he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
