Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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