sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
