Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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