I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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