You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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