i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
