I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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