Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
