so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
