oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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