Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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