we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
