she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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