she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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