If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
