I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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