To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
