I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
