I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
