I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
