omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
