if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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