I could have mohawked her pubes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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