It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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