Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
