Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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