I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
