Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize