We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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