Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
