we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
