Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
