Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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