i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
