so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
