just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
