I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
