I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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