i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
