Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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