Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
