do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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