you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
