Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
