It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
