I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
