Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
