we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
