Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
