I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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