I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
