Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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