wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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