Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
