quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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