i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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