she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
