I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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