Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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