I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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